I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
