She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
