So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
