We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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