Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
