I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
