i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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