Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
