I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I did not marry a roomba.
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