dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
