I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We had to coat check the pizza.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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