there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
