Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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