Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
