The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
