Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
