can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
