If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Say something about gay babies.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
