i permit you to call me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
