Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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