matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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