I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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