Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
