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haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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