barbara walters just said penis...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
