WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
