there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
