she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
