my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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