Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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