i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
