I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
