I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
