If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
