So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
