allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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