I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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