So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
