I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
