You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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