Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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