whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
