i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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