i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
