"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
