the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
