I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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