i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
