Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
