'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
