Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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