I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
