That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize