Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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