Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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