Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
