I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
