Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
