Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
