Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
