Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
