you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
