So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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