it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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