Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
