youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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