So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
