You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
