We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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