if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
