4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
