I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
