Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Threesome in a minivan. New low
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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